Written by INDIA (india@shakesomething.com)
So. I love food. I mean, really love food, with a strong emphasis on the "really," and to such a degree that people often ask me to stop talking about what I ate, what I plan to eat later, what I dreamed I ate, and what would be *particularly* delicious to eat *right now*. This, of course, does not mean that I don't have other fabulously interesting conversation; on the contrary, I consider myself something of a conversational genius. However, I really, really love food. And I enjoy talking about it anytime, anywhere. Which, of course, is why I don't think it's unusual that I found myself talking to a lady about tofu in the bathroom at the movie theaters late last month.
Don't ask me how the conversation started. It's unimportant. The most important thing, the strangest part, the almost offensive segment of that particular conversation is when that lady had the audacity to say to me: "My favorite food is tofu." Tofu? Really? TOFU?? I think I passed out in shock. That would account for that unsightly patch of slightly wet, rubbery chewing gum that I had to peel off of my forehead (j/k!). But seriously, who says "tofu is my favorite" and actually means it? It's an off-white, jiggly, bland block of non-food, if you ask me. In fact, even if you *don't* ask me, it still tastes the same...which is like a weirdly textured nothingness. No culinary character! It doesn't even have even flavor unless it leaches it from the tastier foods with which it happens to be sharing a bowl/plate. It's a seasoning-sucking vampire!
But I digress. The whole point of this post was to tell you my favorite food. Annnnnnnnnnnnd this is what it is: Nearly Everything. Yes, that's right. I like a lot of foods. Greasy, fried, pasta-y, doughy, sweet, sour, dipped in sauce, covered in sugar, flaky, wrapped in paper towels, on a stick, in a bag, on a train, in the rain, on a boat, and with goat, because I WILL eat it, Sam I Am! (And yes, I have had green eggs and ham. Loved it.) But I just don't get the tofu thing. Sorry. But like any sane woman, I would be willing to consider eating tofu regularly if it was dipped in dark chocolate. Maybe. But probably definitely not.
