I hadn't slept in nearly a week. Or, I hadn't slept well at least.
I took a few hours for myself yesterday, tried to find a way to force my body into submission. "Il dolce far niente" is what Elizabeth Gilbert called it in Eat, Pray, Love.... "the sweetness of doing nothing." I turned my thoughts off, breathed deeply and let tears fall if they needed to. I turned off my phone. I didn't eat. I didn't speak. I didn't read or watch TV. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling as if I was waiting for something to swoop in and carry me away. I did nothing and it was perfect.
There are heavy things going on around me and I've become an expert at being strong for everyone else. It's a role I'm accustom to. I'm positive it's a God-given gift. But in being strong for everyone else, I may have forgotten about me. My lack of sleep may actually be directly related to my inability to lean on someone outside of myself -- to momentarily take everyone else's burdens and place them on someone's shoulders.
I know for a fact that on Saturday, July 2nd for about three hours the burden was lifted... and I'm grateful. I took a long nap and woke up feeling refreshed and re-energized. I know that this season of chaos in my family is only temporary. And in some strange way I'm also very, very honored that my relatives trust me enough to lay their burdens on me.
I'm thankful for the sweetness of doing nothing. And now that I've realized its importance, I'm going to make every effort to carve that time into every week.
