I am proud of me. I sat today and reminisced upon that moment in February when my roommate -- my sweet, sweet India -- told me she was going to be moving to Baltimore at the end of the school year. I was happy for her but, of course, I was more concerned about myself. I was 24 years old and the idea of moving back into my parents' house made me sick to my stomach. I remember how many times I told India that I would find my own apartment sans roommate and make it fab. Today I walked into my apartment and realized that I was living the life that I said I would. A tedious 6 week apartment search amidst law school assignments, work and haters... I did it.
I'm proud of myself for this small feat, but in a larger sense, I'm proud of myself for always following through. I set goals for myself and take the necessary steps to achieve them. It's a blessing to live your dreams, even the teeniest, tiniest ones.
This brings me to my next thing. Law school sucks, but I have a feeling that at the end of it my professional life will be pretty much set. It's time for me to work on my personal life. I should go out more, even when my leopard print snuggie seems like the more appealing option. It's time for me to date with purpose, not just for a free dinner or to see the latest movie.
I gotta get it together. I think that when you've been hurt by people the way that I have, the relationships that should probably be the simplest become the most complicated. The wonderful thing about love, though, is that what I want will want me as much as I want it -- flaws and all. I've been broken into a million pieces this year. I'm soooooo ready for the good stuff, but I'm also patient enough to wait for what's right for me. Still waiting for my knight in dirty Nikes (hehe. remember that?). No lies. No pretenses. No walls. No regrets. No anger. Just pure, unconditional, fun, reckless love.
I guess you could say that when it comes to my personal life I'm working on carpe dieming -- with caution.
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Anyway, thanks so much for your emails of condolences at my grandmother's passing. It means more than words can articulate that you -- many of whom I've never met -- took time out of your day to send some love my way. I won't ever forget it. Not ever. Love you.
